When you do your Islamic marriage contract (the nikāḥ), your ḥalāl to each other, but it’s the wedding night where you officially become a “married couple” and husband and wife. This is why you need to wait until your wedding night, or what we call zafāf night, for you to sleep together for your first time, and consummate the marriage. Until then, be patient, and focus on other important things.

Your engagement period is all about getting to know your new partner, building the personal relationship, while planning your life together. Of course, you can play around and do other things, just not sex. That’s for the wedding night, and that’s the whole purpose of a “wedding night”.

You have to build up the intimacy, and prepare yourself for it. Yes, sex is important, but you are in a limbo stage, from your nikāḥ, until your wedding night.

This will make your zafāf night something truly memorable and a sacred experience.

It’s a happy night, for you, and your family and friends as well. Your happiness should last forever, which is why keeping everything God-centered is very important. You can make this the best night, by remembering the Almighty, obeying His commands, following the instructions of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.), surrounding yourself with blessings and enjoyment, and repelling any tragedy or misfortune.

What is Zafāf?

In Arabic, zaffa (زَفَّ) means to hasten, to announce good news, to proceed and march.  The term زِفَاف or زَفَاف refers to the ceremony of taking the bride and groom to their home, to consummate their marriage.

This night will be the first official time the newlyweds sleep together. The bride will then move into her new home, and from then onwards live together happily ever after, in shāʾ Allah.

Fulfilling Half Your Religion

As the Prophetic (s.a.w.) ḥadith says, getting married is half your religion. It’s a very important stage in your life, so you have to make sure everything is done correctly. What you do will determine what kind of future you have.

We as Muslims believe that everything we do influences our lives, in every aspect; spiritually, mentally, and materially as well. Doing certain things increases your rizq, doing other things will affect your rizq, deprive you of barakah, and bring down your spiritual side.

Why ruin the chance of your most important day being blessed by Allah (s.w.t.), and overseen by your Living Imām (a.t.f.)? Why open the door to Shayṭān, with music, dancing, free-mixing, thinking this will give you happiness? Since when can happiness come at the cost of disobeying the Almighty? When the first days of your marriage is riddled with ḥarām, don’t expect your house to have any barakah, or even your marriage to last. I will share one of many narrations that speak of how music will affect your life and your home.

Imām Jaʿfar al-Ṣādiq  (a.s.) has said:

بَيْتُ الغِنَاءِ بَيْتٌ لاَ تُؤْمَنُ فِيهِ الفَجِيعَةُ، وَلاَ تُجَابُ فِيهِ اَلدَّعْوَةُ، وَلاَ تُدْخِلُهُ المَلاَئِكَةُ.

A house that has music (and singing) played in it is not safe from tragedy, prayers are not accepted in it, and angels do not enter it.^[1]

I would also love to speak about how we must stop the excessive ceremonies and meaningless expenditures that are really making it hard for young people to get married. This is something we must put a stop to. I will leave this topic for another time.

What to do on Your Zafāf Night?

There are a few recommended things to do on your wedding night. So, as busy as you may be on this important night, make sure you give enough attention to the following:

One:

The first of them is organising the walīmah, which is giving out food, for one or two days only.

It is narrated that the holy Prophet (s.a.w.) has said:

إِنَّ مِنْ سُنَنِ المُرْسَلِينَ الإِطْعَامَ عِنْدَ التَّزْوِيجِ .

One of the traditions of Messengers is feeding people at marriages.^[2]

He (s.a.w.) fed people when he married Maimūnah bint al-Ḥārith.

The Prophet (s.a.w.) has also said:

  الوَلِيمَةُ أَوَّلَ يَوْمٍ حَقٌّ وَالثَّانِيَ مَعْرُوفٌ وَمَا زَادَ رِيَاءٌ وَسُمْعَةٌ.

A banquet for the first day is a right, and for the second day is generosity, and anything more than that is for flattery and fame.^[3]

This means we must be moderate as well. Not too much. No need to invite half the town as well. Just those close to you. Don’t do it to show-off, and remember the poor.

It is mustaḥab for the walīmah to be during the day as well.

Two:

The zaffah should be at night time, as the Prophetic (s.a.w.) narration says:

زُفُّوا عَرَائِسَكُمْ لَيْلاً وَأَطْعِمُوا ضُحًى.

Wed your brides at night, and serve food during the day.^[4]

Another narration from Imām al-Riḍā (a.s.) says that the zaffah should be at night, as Almighty Allah has made the night a time of rest and tranquillity, and a wife is tranquillity.^[5]

Three:

Both bride and groom should be on wudhūʾ. The ḥadīth from Imām Muḥammad al-Bāqir (a.s.) says:

إِذَا دَخَلَتْ فَمُرْهَا قَبْلَ أَنْ تَصِلَ إِلَيْكَ أَنْ تَكُونَ مُتَوَضِّئَةً ثُمَّ أَنْتَ لاَ تَصِلُ إِلَيْهَا حَتَّى تَوَضَّأَ.

When she arrives, before she engages with you, tell her to do ablution, and you should not engage with her until you have done ablution as well.^[6]

This is why the bride should do her wudhūʾ before her makeup, and try to keep it.

Four:

Removing the bride’s shoes and washing her feet: This is one of the detailed mustaḥab acts that has been mentioned in the etiquettes of weddings, and it is highly recommended to encourage such a practice for the sake of Allah Almighty, even though we do not completely perceive the secrets and reasons behind it, but we wilfully submit to it.

Prepare a water jug and a washbowl. When bride and groom are in the privacy of their bedroom, the bride sits down, the groom removes her shoes, which is mustaḥab as well, and pours water over her feet. If they are in their house, he then spills that water at the house door, outwards.

Among the benefits this custom has is that it repels many forms of poverty from the house, and it brings many forms of blessings. Mercy will descend and hover around the bride’s head until the blessing reaches all corners of the house, and the bride will be safe from numerous illnesses.^[7]

It might be that the reason for this ritual is to give the bride a feeling of love, affection, and a sense of security. The husband is not there just for sex, but her comfort as well, and he shows his humbleness towards her also.

Five:

Prayers and Duas:

After washing the bride’s feet, both bride and groom must remember and extol Allah (swt) and recite ṣalawāt. The groom is to put his hand on the bride’s forelock (top of her forehead), and say:

 اللَّهُمَّ عَلَى كِتَابِكَ تَزَوَّجْتُهَا، وَفِي أَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا، وَبِكَلِمَاتِكَ اِسْتَحْلَلْتُ فَرْجَهَا، فَإِنْ قَضَيْتَ فِي رَحِمِهَا شَيْئاً فَاجْعَلْهُ مُسْلِماً سَوِيّاً، وَلاَ تَجْعَلْهُ شِرْكَ شَيْطَانٍ.

O Allah! By Your Book I married her and I have taken her through Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, make him blessed and healthy, and do not let the Satan have any part in him.^[8]

With your hand on her forelock, say the following, facing the Qiblah:

اللَّهُمَّ بِأَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا وَبِكَلِمَاتِكَ اسْتَحْلَلْتُهَا، فَإِنْ قَضَيْتَ لِي مِنْهَا وَلَداً فَاجْعَلْهُ مُبَارَكاً تَقِيّاً مِنْ شِيعَةِ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ، وَلَا تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّيْطَانِ فِيهِ شِرْكاً وَلَا نَصِيباً.

O Allah, I have taken her with Your trust, and have made her lawful to me by Your words. If You decree for me a child from her, then make him blessed, righteous, and sound, and do not allow Satan to have any share or portion in him.^[9]

Both bride and groom pray a two rakʿah prayer, and then say:

 اَللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِي أَهْلِي وَبَارِكْ لَهُمْ فِيَّ، وَمَا جَمَعْتَ بَيْنَنَا فَاجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا فِي خَيْرٍ وَيُمْنٍ وَ بَرَكَةٍ، وَإِذَا جَعَلْتَهَا فُرْقَةً فَاجْعَلْهَا فُرْقَةً إِلَى خَيْرٍ.

O Allah, bless why spouse for me, and bless me for my spouse. Anything You give us for our communion, let it be good, prosperous and blessed. If You make us part, then be to what is good.^[10]

Recite this duʿā:

For bride:

 اَللَّهُمَّ اُرْزُقْنِي إِلْفَهَ وَوُدَّهَ وَرِضَاهَ وَأَرْضِنِي بِهَ وَاِجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا بِأَحْسَنِ اِجْتِمَاعٍ وَآنَسِ اِئْتِلاَفٍ، فَإِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ اَلْحَلاَلَ وَتَكْرَهُ اَلْحَرَامَ.

O Allah! Bless me with his affection, his love and his acceptance of me. Make me pleased with him, and bring us together in the best form of union and in absolute harmony. Surely, You love the lawful and hate the unlawful.

For groom:

 اَللَّهُمَّ اُرْزُقْنِي إِلْفَهَا وَوُدَّهَا وَرِضَاهَا وَأَرْضِنِي بِهَا وَاِجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا بِأَحْسَنِ اِجْتِمَاعٍ وَآنَسِ اِئْتِلاَفٍ، فَإِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ اَلْحَلاَلَ وَتَكْرَهُ اَلْحَرَامَ.

O Allah! Bless me with her affection, her love and her acceptance of me. Make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of union and in absolute harmony. Surely, You love the lawful and hate the unlawful.^[11]

This kind of duʿā will bring true love and affection between you, and keep the happy marriage together.

You then proceed with consummating the marriage, saying bismillah, and reciting ṣalawāt.

Notes:

[1] Al-Kāfī, vol. 6, p. 433.

[2] Al-Maḥāsin, vol. 2, p. 428. al-Kāfī, vol. 5, p. 367.

[3] Al-Kāfī, vol. 5, p. 368.

[4] Ibid., p. 366.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Ibid., p. 500.

[7] The complete tradition is in Wasāʾil al-Shīʿah, vol. 14, part 147.

[8] Wasāʾil al-Shīʿah, vol. 20, p. 113.

[9] Al-Kāfī, vol. 5, p. 500.

[10] Mustadrak Wasāʾil al-Shīʿah, vol. 14, p. 220.

[11] Al-Kāfī, vol. 5, p. 500.